Why I write this newsletter
As Seneca said, we are all patients in the hospital—and there is no doctor. Like a fellow patient, I write to share thoughts, struggles, and questions, so that we can navigate tough ground together.
When it comes to raising kids, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all advice. We’ve all seen tons of parenting approaches gain popularity and then fade over the years. And a lot of what we read about the topic doesn’t seem to apply, or feels out of sync with our own families’ experience or personal values.
In that context, I wanted to tell you why I started writing The Stoic Mom blog seven years ago, and why I keep doing it today: To share my struggles, questions, and observations as a parent—ones that you, too, may be having. When possible, I hope to offer a few nuggets of hard-earned wisdom that have dawned on me along the way, based on my Stoic-inspired life philosophy.
In other words, I don’t aim to offer broad expertise or give advice from on high. Instead, my goal is to tell it like it is from the trenches, and maybe reach some other folks coping with similarly challenging moments of caregiving and living. I speak from a place of personal experience and vulnerability. I don’t claim to have all the answers but I can help explore the questions along with you.
This approach is borne out in a very practical sense by my life philosophy. Here’s a favorite passage from the Stoic Seneca, from Letter 27 to his friend Lucilius:
"What," say you, "are you giving me advice? Indeed, have you already advised yourself, already corrected your own faults? Is this the reason why you have leisure to reform other people?" No, I am not so shameless as to undertake to cure others when I am ill myself. I am, however, discussing with you troubles which concern us both, and sharing the remedy with you, just as if we were lying ill in the same hospital. Listen to me, therefore, as you would if I were talking to myself. I am admitting you to my inmost thoughts…
This speaks beautifully to the human condition, and it explains why I’m writing this today. We are all patients in the hospital—and there is no doctor to heal us. All we have is each other. I hold the hope that “admitting you to my inmost thoughts” and questions and observations and struggles could have value for fellow patients.
I also would like to show that even if we decide to adopt a Stoic-based philosophy (as Seneca did), or any other well-reasoned approach to life, it doesn’t immediately solve everything. We still have a lot of tough ground to navigate with our families in the modern world.
In addition to these words from Seneca, my role model in this endeavor is Marcus Aurelius. Like Marcus, I write to work through questions that concern me, and to capture insights that I want to preserve. I would not claim to be writing The Meditations, but I aspire to the thoughtfulness that Marcus exemplifies!
Life is so uncertain. Things are always changing. That’s most apparent with young kids as they quickly grow and develop, and teens as they mature and surprise us with how far they have come in so short a time. There’s no safe haven from the shifting winds of life. We handle it the best we can. My personal essence of Stoicism is “doing the best we can in the situation we are in.”
So I won’t tell you how to solve all your parenting or care-giving concerns, but I will walk the road along with you. Maybe my “a-ha” moments will shed some light, or spark a realization that you have an even better solution or approach than what I’ve written about. If you do, won’t you please share it with this patient? You can find me in the waiting room…. Right here in the comments section of this newsletter!
Why I write this newsletter
thank you.