I’ve been thinking about this and the ‘how’ of working out what I would like at any moment and going forward. As you say, decisions have been shaped by being a Mum for so long, but also I’ve changed from who I was in my 20s (pre-motherhood times). When it comes to free time/ hobbies/ activities, I had heard of people say ‘what did you enjoy doing when you were young?’ and so I took this approach of looking back for a gauge. I hadn’t actually stuck with any sport or activity per se but I did enjoy roller blading, so I took up roller skating and joined a local Rollerfit class. Although I did partially justify this through a parenting lense of being able to do this with my daughter and I could mostly learn it at home with the kids, it has added to my life hugely and it is ‘my’ thing that I now shape some parenting decisions around (like, let’s play at the basketball courts today so my youngest can learn his scooter while I’m on skates).
However, when it comes to my career path, I don’t know that the ‘looking back’ method makes sense. If anything, it might be keeping me in a state of angst: I had developed a career in a ‘purpose driven’ role (climate change action). I resigned when I had my daughter and now I have maximum flexibility working in my husband’s building company. We are financially secure and it allows me to prioritise being there for the kids. This is what I want for now when they are young. But will I ever be able to have a career (or want one) ‘just for me’ and my values / interests again? If I decide to go back to the typeof career I had before kids when they are older, will I have been out of the industry / my original career for too long for it to count? Do I even have the energy for it and if not, are these actually still my values and interests or have I just not let go of pre-Mum me? If these aren’t my values any more, what are? Am I trying to force an answer that I don’t need to ask the question for yet?
I realise I am asking these questions from a very privileged and lucky place.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, Sarah, and your questions! I love that you joined a Rollerfit class and found ways to weave that into your busy life as a Mum. This is a great example of the co-creation of our lives with our kids - often, we decide on doing something that can fit in with our kids' needs and interests, but that can also add value for us. And for me, that's a good thing, because I enjoy spending time with my children and being together with them, even if it wouldn't have been my top choice pre-kids.
I understand what you mean about career paths... Your questions are spot-on! And so difficult to answer. For me personally, when my kids were young, I cut way back on my working hours (leaving a full-time position) to be their primary caregiver. Over the years, I have found that my career evolved continuously as my children got older, and I decided to apply for and take on a more ambitious job when they were in middle school and elementary school. I finally had the bandwidth to try for it at that stage. It's led me to new and unexpected places. I would love to hear more as you continue on your parenting and career journeys!
I’ve been thinking about this and the ‘how’ of working out what I would like at any moment and going forward. As you say, decisions have been shaped by being a Mum for so long, but also I’ve changed from who I was in my 20s (pre-motherhood times). When it comes to free time/ hobbies/ activities, I had heard of people say ‘what did you enjoy doing when you were young?’ and so I took this approach of looking back for a gauge. I hadn’t actually stuck with any sport or activity per se but I did enjoy roller blading, so I took up roller skating and joined a local Rollerfit class. Although I did partially justify this through a parenting lense of being able to do this with my daughter and I could mostly learn it at home with the kids, it has added to my life hugely and it is ‘my’ thing that I now shape some parenting decisions around (like, let’s play at the basketball courts today so my youngest can learn his scooter while I’m on skates).
However, when it comes to my career path, I don’t know that the ‘looking back’ method makes sense. If anything, it might be keeping me in a state of angst: I had developed a career in a ‘purpose driven’ role (climate change action). I resigned when I had my daughter and now I have maximum flexibility working in my husband’s building company. We are financially secure and it allows me to prioritise being there for the kids. This is what I want for now when they are young. But will I ever be able to have a career (or want one) ‘just for me’ and my values / interests again? If I decide to go back to the typeof career I had before kids when they are older, will I have been out of the industry / my original career for too long for it to count? Do I even have the energy for it and if not, are these actually still my values and interests or have I just not let go of pre-Mum me? If these aren’t my values any more, what are? Am I trying to force an answer that I don’t need to ask the question for yet?
I realise I am asking these questions from a very privileged and lucky place.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, Sarah, and your questions! I love that you joined a Rollerfit class and found ways to weave that into your busy life as a Mum. This is a great example of the co-creation of our lives with our kids - often, we decide on doing something that can fit in with our kids' needs and interests, but that can also add value for us. And for me, that's a good thing, because I enjoy spending time with my children and being together with them, even if it wouldn't have been my top choice pre-kids.
I understand what you mean about career paths... Your questions are spot-on! And so difficult to answer. For me personally, when my kids were young, I cut way back on my working hours (leaving a full-time position) to be their primary caregiver. Over the years, I have found that my career evolved continuously as my children got older, and I decided to apply for and take on a more ambitious job when they were in middle school and elementary school. I finally had the bandwidth to try for it at that stage. It's led me to new and unexpected places. I would love to hear more as you continue on your parenting and career journeys!